Inglorious Basterds

QT's Inglorious Basterd's is in my opinion his best film. This by no means is an objective analysis. When I was a child my dad had a knack for old school ww2 films. Every weekend that we didn't go to the cinema, we would throw on The Longest Day, Kelly's Heroes, Dirty Dozen, Tora Tora, ect (you get the point). My dad in his infinite wisdom would say "the Nazi's were a worthy adversary." This film reminded me of the old times watching people kick Nazi ass with my dad. So nostalgia plays a huge part in my love for IB.

First off, most the old ww2 films that QT is post modernizing were clocking in at over 2.5 hrs. Dirty Dozen is long and only has one small action sequence at the end, but the movie is phenomenal. IG is also long and most people I talk to think he should have cut a half hour out. For audiences today he might have considered it.

The Good: There is two stories with good guys, but my favorite "good" guy is Eli Roth, who wields a baseball bat when it comes to Nazi torturing. I never really like Roth, but him playing a pissed off Jew with one goal: KILL NAZI, really brought out the mandom in him.

The Bad: The single best performance in this film is by Christoph Waltz, who plays a Jew hunting Nazi. The first sequence of the film sets him up as one smart, sick, and villainous Nazi. "Where does the hawk look? He looks in the barn, he looks in the attic, he looks in the cellar, he looks everywhere *he* would hide, but there's so many places it would never occur to a hawk to hide. However, the reason the Führer's brought me off my Alps in Austria and placed me in French cow country today is because it does occur to me. Because I'm aware what tremendous feats human beings are capable of once they abandon dignity." Col. Hans Landa.

The Badass: Brad Pitt is one BAMF. "I think you show great talent. And I pride myself on having an eye for that kind of talent. Your status as a Nazi killer is... still amateur. We all come here to see if you wanna go pro... "

The Beautiful: Our heroine played by Melanie Laurent is a pissed French woman, who wants to kill Nazi's (who would have thought). It's hard to talk about her character without spoilers so I'm just gonna say she looked stunning in the end sequence.

Over all this film proves to be a funny trip down Nazi killin lane, that we all need to take again, so please go check it out.

15 Minutes of Avatar

So after the teaser trailer of Avatar was released there was mixed reactions. Most people I know didn't understand the teaser because it didn't really say what the film was about. *explains concept of a teaser* okay it's all good. I think the folly was on the people who cut the teaser, it should have been shorter and have ended on a "what the fuck was that" note, not a "holy shit this is epic" note.

There was a 6 and 645 showing of Avatar footage, I managed to catch both. The first time I didn't know what to expect, when James Cameron came out in 3d to tell us to enjoy, my eyes didn't agree with the 3D. Maybe it was just in awe at having to have a 100 foot James Cameron head talking at you. Either my eyes adjusted quicker than any other 3D film I've seen or the technology they developed for the film works that well.

The first bit of the preview is a badass dude with a facial scar, which communicates he's been in the shit, explaining that the world of Pandora is vicious and deadly. The scene is all live action with the new camera that uses two lenses to simulate the focus and depth perception of the human eye. It is the best 3D live action ever produced. The camera worked.

Next we see Sam Worthington's character, a wheel chair bound soldier who gets put into a Na'vi body. Which is accompanied by a cool wormhole sequence when his mind takes over the Na'vi. The Na'vi stuff in the preview is some of the most photo realistic CG out to date. Although it is hard to judge given they're texture is nothing like a humans. Some people had trouble with the Na'vi in the 2d internet trailer, but they really come to life in the 3D experience.

There is another sequence at night on the alien planet where everything lights up like some tripped out acid dream. It looks absolutely breath taking. The depth that the 3D gives to the jungle while its lit up like a stoners bedroom creates a hazard because you find yourself not blinking (us with contacts get all dried up) so you don't miss a second of the world Cameron has created.

I don't want to talk too much about the action sequences shown because they were spectacular and should be watched before read about. Let's just say the best part was Sam Worthington's Avatar facing off with a huge dino looking beast, which turns for the worst for him. They also have a phenomenal sudo horse breaking scene with a drake (flying dragon type creature) that Worthington must pin before he can use it for a mount.

This isn't going to be like anything we have seen from Cameron it is more fantasy than anything he has done, but it has the dark Aliens/Terminator feel in the back drop at all times. This film won't be in league with 2001 or Aliens, more like Star Wars or Lord of the Rings. Expect that change.

The story looks like it will be a classic, good guy starts with the bad guys, some stuff happens then he sides with the oppressed good guys and helps them achieve victory. Universal storyline. From the dialogue and tone of the scenes, Cameron is trying to get at something by literally putting our main character along with the audience into another culture. From the 15 minutes I saw Cameron's hearts in this project and that's all I could have hoped for.

Try to avoid the naysayers and give it a try when it comes out. People can call the Na'vi smurfs, say it is a Turok vs Halo fan film(both are quite funny analogies), and say any other pompous things they want, but when it comes down to it, the film already shows potential for changing the entire industry and pushing the standard of digital filmmaking. This is exciting since we have been watching recycled garbage since the late nineties. How many remakes do we have sit through in the 2010's? Let's hope this bring new life into the cinema as I think it will.

Boss

First of all Fred Williamson is one of the greatest actors in the history of the line of cinema we call "BLACK ACTION." Hell he is on the cover of the 9.99 dvd set called Black Action. Boss Nigger (now pc'd out with the title Boss) is about two black men who are bounty hunters catching white bandits. They run across a some paper work that basically makes them sheriffs of a town, which is in the clutches of a bandit group led by a son of a bitch named Jed Clayton.

The Good: Boss Nigger is Williamson's name in the film (a sequel to the Nigger Charley films) and he is as badass as they get. Dressed in black from head to toe, he whips an ignorant town into shape by enforcing "black man's law," which is about the same as basic old western laws, but if you say "nigger" you pay money or do time. They end up hustling a lot of money out of the white folks in town. Williamson even gathers up the poor Mexican community, walks them into town and makes the shop owners give them food and supplies. Sounds like High Plains Drifter.

The Bad: Jed Clayton's gang. Senior Clayton reminds me of my days growing up in a small town in Washington, because he looks like the loggers you would see walking into the bar every night, then drives home drunk past the local grade school only to force sex on his wife after a nice beat down. Needless to say this white trash is a coward who always stands behind his gang. But the gang is great fodder for Williamson to beat down so never a dull moment.

The Ugly: Racism. Just like many movies subverting cinematic race roles, there is something sobering behind them. The comedy usually defeats the forlorn feeling that racism creates, but in the end an innocent woman is shot in the back for being black and a Mexican child is trampled by a horse. Williamson gets his man in the end, but racism is still there.

The Badass: Williamson is alone with a posh white woman who has been craving his mandom, so he just grabs her and kisses her hard then says "that's just to satisfy your curiosity."

The Food: I was eating some crinkle cut frys and bbq sauce. This is a hamburger movie though. Get a good one going a double hand packed patty with some creole seasoning and a shit load of cheese that will get you through this kick ass movie.

A quick note for white looking honkeys like me. The theme song is very catchy but the word nigger is all through out it, so be careful if you find yourself singing it in public.......

Avatar Day!!!

EDIT: THE TEASER IS OUT HERE IS THE LINK: CLICK ME FOR "HOLY SHIT THIS LOOKS AMAZING"

Avatar Day The 21st. Get Ready!

Okay so I dealt with the site crashes and frustration with trying to get into the special 15 minute Avatar extravaganza going on at Imax. Finally after an hour of website fatal errors I got my tickets! Here is an ICQ convo with a friend I am Nick, during the fiasco.

Nick - Magic Dragon ‎(12:07 PM):

is cameron fucking wiht us right now lol

152 ‎(12:07 PM):

it would be funny if it refreshed

and just said

GO NOW OR YOU WILL MISS IT

Nick - Magic Dragon ‎(12:07 PM):

lol id be on the road

152 ‎(12:08 PM):

i'd be in the sky

this music is sucky

152 ‎(12:09 PM):

haha the ticketing page just went completley down

Nick - Magic Dragon ‎(12:10 PM):

ya fuckers

152 ‎(12:10 PM):

you would figure they could afford to pay for a little extra bandwidth

since it comes out like really freaking soon

152 ‎(12:11 PM):

lazy bastards wont even release a trailer untill the end of august when the movie comes out in mid december i guess they're going for the opposite of the starwars episode 1 effect lol

152 ‎(12:16 PM):

i'm gonna go punch james cameron for wasting my time

then i gonna punch his wife cause she's only been in one movie as a supporting actress

Nick - Magic Dragon ‎(12:16 PM):

lol ITS ALL HIS FAULT

152 ‎(12:16 PM):

yes

and after that I'm blaming jesus

Nick - Magic Dragon ‎(12:16 PM):

lol well of course

Nick - Magic Dragon ‎(12:17 PM):

Jesus and Cameron have alot in common. but in the end Cameron will be nailed on the cross by nerds not jews lol

152 ‎(12:17 PM):

Then i'm taking a hack saw to the president of 20th century fox

nerds are rich and greedy too

HAHAHAHA

152 ‎(12:18 PM):

its great to be an asshole

152 ‎(12:18 PM):

An HTTP error occurred while getting: http://www.avatarmovie.com/

Details: "connection failed".

FUCK YOU

thats what it should say

FUCK YOU NO MOVIE FOR YOU NERDS

GET A LIFE

152 ‎(12:23 PM):

No M Night is hacking this

for his movie

Nick - Magic Dragon ‎(12:23 PM):

LOL AIRBENDER FOR LIFE

152 ‎(12:23 PM):

AIRBENDER 4 LIFE DOGZ

As you can see it was intense.

So what do you have from Avatar thus far. Some stills:

We don't know much about it except there is a marine (Sam Worthington) who is stuck on an alien planet during some sort of occupation by humans. At E3 Cameron gave clues that the alien race and humans would be having a nice and long smack down, so some shit goes wrong.

Cameron is hands down my favorite director/write/all of the above. So basically this is panning out to be the greatest year of my life. Married + Cameron's triumphant return. Yup.

So stay tuned for a exclusive blog post of Avatar Day and how mind blowing Cameron's new film really is going to be!!

District 9

First off I will avoid saying too much about this film, because really everyone should go out and see it. As the movie hit its second act I was totally engrossed in the world of a South African reinstatement of an apartheid-like policy dealing with the aliens. It is probably my favorite movie of 09 thus far, (Avatar and Pandorum still coming though).

The Good: The down in the dirt style that South African director Neill Blomkamp weaves with his half narrative half documentary style. It feels like it was shot in a slum in South Africa.

This movie could only be spun by a gamer in love with Half-Life and Halo (which jacked a lot from half-life). For instance the Mech-suit (which can be seen in the trailer) is just like Dog in the Half-Life 2, but has a shit load of weaponry.

Speaking of weaponry all the guns in the movie kick ass. The alien rigs literally tear people apart. This film is not PG-13 so there was no pussy copout cutaway bullshit. In your face cherry pie gibbbbbbbbbing (gamer term for blowing another player into pieces).

This guy knows how to tell a story with details. I'm sure I will catch a lot more in a second viewing, but you have to be able to appreciate the amazing amount of detail, which really brings an oppressed alien culture to life.

The Bad: The excessive use to military force was the real enemy in the film. Of course there is other stuff but I hate spoilers sooooo. That's all you get.

The Ugly: In this film the aliens are pretty ugly... But Blomkamp somehow puts you in the main character's shoes enough to where you kinda dislike them at first and think they are gross, but as the story moves you find yourself thinking the crustacean looking things are cute (especially the children).

The Badass: There is some all out battles in this movie. People get torn up by alien guns and human guns alike. There is one random part where this guy is holding an alien up for integration the alien out of nowhere just kicks him and all you see is a limb explode from somewhere and the guy fly like a rag doll. That is tame for this movie. Heads get torn off, lots of people explode, and many aliens get blown away too.

MANDOM: A reason to like Bronson

Friends over at Tower Farm made a comment on another blog about how much I like Bronson. Well let me post these small Japanese commercials to show you how much class, mandom, sex appeal, and pure amazingness Bronson (God bless his soul) really has. I wanted to save this until I scammed more people into reading my crappy reviews, but I couldn't wait. Just watch and enjoy!

This is the long one where you see the the sex appeal and class and even some gun slinging.

Bronson catching a fish with his bare hands. The stuff of heroes.

MANDOM!

GI Joe: Rise of "What Just Happened"

GI Joe wow what's to say? Well if you liked the corny cartoon you will love the movie (I hope), because the movie is probably a little more corny than the cartoon. So basically I sat down thinking wow this is gonna either be amazing and shitty. It was AMAZING.

Since no one likes to read extensive reviews on movies they haven't seen I will just trick everyone into actually giving it a chance. You can flame me later :D.

I am just gonna hit a few key points one should know before seeing.

Jet pack flying into a spaceship thing.

Ninja fights.

Shitty dialogue.

Flashbacks of a long lost love.

A submarine dog fight.

Laser or plasma guns(not sure).

Workout/training sequence.

Threat of nanobot world holocaust.

The line "We lost a lot of Joes out there today."

Really shitty CG mixed with some of the coolest CG of a ninja dodging flying cars.

Snake Eyes is still the most legit mofo in ninja history.

So that should get your ass to the theater to see a goddamn action film that should have been made in the 80s it's so good. I must say though some times the action would be so much I would find myself asking "what the fuck just happened" out loud. This isn't a bad "what just happened" more like the feeling of seeing your best friend get abducted by aliens or your cat spontaneously combusts.

Exiled

So my soon to be wife sees this trailer on one of her Asian horror flicks and adds it to my netflix. Probably one of the best things she has ever done for me. It opened me to the world's new and improved John Woo; one of the coolest directors ever, Johnny To. I quickly added all To's films to my queue and let the Hong Kong asskicking commence.

Exiles is still my favorite film by To. It's about a guy who returns to a gang infested town with a bad past with all factions. So of course they send some goons to kill him. Well when the killers show up they have a show down that ends in a meal and sleep over. Reason being, they don't kill him yet because they want to help him do some jobs to get money for his soon to be widow and bastard child. The film is filled with this Confucian sense of duty, which makes these men's brotherhood top notch.

The Good: This group of badasses.

They know how to work together to get some killing done and they are pretty funny too.

The best part of To's Exiled is how its shot. It's not like half the franticly handheld crap that comes out of America in our current "action realism" age. No this film has finesse. Beautiful dolly moves and steadycam work that could make a first year film student rethink shooting his action scene handheld. This guy is a solid filmmaker. He's not quite the Asian version of James Cameron yet, but he is on his way.

The Bad: Asian gang stereotypes! Yes that's right there is a dude they call Boss and he's the bad guy. He actually doesn't come off as that bad of a guy, just a guy who wants shit done.

The Beautiful: There is a scene in a blackmarket hospital, which explodes into a Mexican standoff at point blank. To works the scene perfectly and it is one of the most beautiful dances of death I've ever seen. Slowmo dolly shots with 12 guns blaring as a room full of curtains dance to the hail of bullets.

The Badass: This guy here is a complete badass. He gave me that feeling I got when Chow Yun-Fat slides down the banister with two pistols and a tooth pick in his mouth in Hard Boiled. It's that HOLY SHIT AM I REALLY SEEING THIS? feelin. Basically the guy has a sniper rifle, aviators, and a cigarette. I don't want to ruin how incredibly cool this dude is and what he does, but you have to see it.

Basically find this movie, buy it, rent it, download it. It's a must see.

Dirty Dozen

I saw it on bluray at target for like 10 bucks so I had to grab it. It's a pretty damn good movie. It's been a while since I've seen an old World War movie so I had to get back in the mode of long movies with lots of pissed off officers always yelling at each other, but after that I was game. So check it out if you don't have a Transformers 1 or 2 movie attention span (IE a brain). Thank god for old action movies, when explosions were real and so were the men.

The Good: Lee Marvin is a our good guy. He has to whip some prisoners (the badddddest bad asses) into doing a top secret mission. There is only one man who can do this and that is Marvin, he kicks their ass, throws em around, and laughs in their face all the time.

All the training stuff is filled with old school comedy that actually has some class (not like robots humping Megan Fox's leg). They do funny shit like capture an officer that is messing with them just to show how much they rock.

There is one great scene where there are 8 "girls" hired or something to go spend the night with the dozen and there is a good 3 minute awkward silence where they are just staring at each other. All the girls get chosen then Charles Bronson (resident god of action) in his infinite class dances with the ugliest and oldest one with a huge grin on his face. Thats MANDOM.

The Bad: ZEEEEE GERMANS. Yup they are made fun of, look dumb, and killed like pigs when the mission starts. I guess that's what happens when your Nazi scum. Being that the movie was made in mid sixties they didn't explore the PC bs of "the Germans were just following orders." They just whoop their ass hardcore prison rules style.

The Ugly: There is a fat ass prisoner named Maggot who kills women and would be the ugliest and sickest POS in the movie. Good thing he gets his.

The Badass: Jefferson is this huge black dude (played by football star Jim Brown) who does a mad dash while throwing grenades down holes into a shelter where the pesky Nazis are hiding. The guy can fuckin move and completes the mission with zeal. = BADASS. Or what we call in movies the HNIC (head nigga in charge).

The Food: Eat some Sausage and laugh about how much fun 12 prisoners have blowin up Nazis.

Death Hunt: Bronson Vs Lee Marvin + Carl Weathers + A Guy Who Looks Like The Guy Who Played Coach

My action enthusiast friend Dustin recommended this movie to me because the pure manness of the cast. Bronson being one of my favorite actors; is gonna appear on this blog a lot.
The Beginning: You can tell a hell of a lot about a movie by the opening credits. This one is filled with landscape helicopter shots of mountains leading you to the conclusion that its gonna be a wilderness run and gun extravaganza.

The Good: Bronson a wilderness man who has barely any dialogue and a soft spot for dogs. We find out later he has a past full of military experience and a future of running from the things he once did. Some people call this cliché I call this ESSENTIAL. We know he's one humble bad motherfucker this way.

Lee Marvin is a broken down drunk mounty who is stuck by fate in chasing a man he knows isn't guilty. So one can guess the display of man to man comradery when Marvin has Bronson in his sights.

The Bad: The Coach Lookin Guy (refered to as Coach from now on) is a dog fighting dick head who runs into Bronson when Bronson takes away one of his fighting dogs and nurses it to health. Let the EGO enter. Coach in his infinite douchness attack Bronson's cabin and one of his bickering lackeys is killed so... long story short Bronson has to run from authorities (Mounties) and Coach's team of morons.

The Ugly: Coach's gang is a buncha ugly morons with lines like "your so dumb I could sell you dirt."

The Weird: This is Carl Weathers' weirdest role. The usual muscle flexin mad man we know as Action Jackson is kind of a pussy in this. He does bang some fat ugly first nation (Canadian for Native American) chick. Then says to his young buddy "you wanna piece of this buffalo woman?". Warrants the Weird title...

The Badass:
THE CAST

The baddies dynamite Bronson's hand built cabin with him inside and he flies out of it after it explodes with a semiauto shotgun with god knows how many shells. He blows away some cronies and scares the shit out of them so he can get away.

For a western it also had pretty damn good squib and blood effects. One is so gruesome they throw in the line, "son of a bitch shot his scalp off".

The Food: Most people should eat to match their movie. I recommend a medium t-bone with a baked potatoes side. Throw some Tony's Creole on the whole damn dish and you got a night of wilderness ass kicking.